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June 26, 2013


This is a letter, and I’ll never write more.
‘Til you’re back.
It’s taken a year, but I’m up from the floor.
Finally out of the mist.
That fell on the Earth when you left.
A letter for her.
For you.
Nameless, faceless, forever girl.
The reason that God made his peace with the world.
I watched you on the bridge.
Your hair in the wind.
I lived, then.
Everything made sense.
Red-written scripture on the the grey face of time.
I could have cried.
Because I was seen as a man built of stone.
Distant, immovable, happy alone.
Well, you know that it’s not true.
I’m not the same around them as I am around you.
Something soft, something kind.
I don’t let them see behind my eyes.
Let them see this rusty mask.
That buries the fear.
But I trust you.
And when you want me.
I’ll be waiting right here.

And I know I’m hard work.
And I know I’m a fool.
I can be cold and I can be too calm.
And can’t I be so very cruel?
I laugh at my own jokes.
I smoke too much.
I’m a sharp and sullen drunk.
I moan about work.
I’m selfish and sour and whatever the fuck.
I swear, I’m a cynic and I don’t get on with your friends.
But you mend me.
Make me feel lucky, when I don’t believe in luck.
And I know that I’ll scare you.
How I’ve let my tongue run away.
It’s just that I’ve thought of you.
Every single day.
Every single night.
Waiting for you to write.
Waiting for you to phone.
Do you know how scary that is?
To see your road stretch to the City of Dis.
And know that you’ll walk it alone?
To know you’ll forever walk a line.
Without the warmth of your hand in mine?
I’m afraid of no man.
And I’ve never feared death.
But to live with that thought takes all the strength I have left.

I understand.
It’s only words.
Dirt for the worms.
Shit for the birds.
But it feels good to have your ear again.
Makes me smile to have you near, my friend.
‘Cause my heart don’t beat the way it did.
It’s like nails driven into a coffin lid.
But it’s not your fault.
I know.
I don’t blame you for throwing salt on the snow.
You can’t live on ice.
And you had to make room.
Space to let the flowers bloom.

I was born in the sea.
And you were born in the sun.
Something threw us together.
Two hearts into one.
And the rain fell.

I don’t really have a family.
So it’d be just you and me.
But I have a lot of stories to tell.
And I will, cause your laugh makes me well.
When I can get so very ill.
That little half smile that you got.
That you smile when I’m around.
You found me.
As I stumbled through life, like a lost little kid.
You told me to write.
So I did.


From → Poetry

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